Exiting the Ring Road

November 24, 2004

When Jude and I holidayed in France some years ago, we raced jauntily along the Périphérique, the freeway that rings Paris, as we headed for the sun of Provence. After a while, a strong sense of déjà-vu swept over us. Haven't we seen that high-rise building before? That billboard? That exit? Turns out we were nowhere near the Périphérique. We were on the Boulevard Circulaire, a suburban loop road. We'd been whizzing round and round in circles.

Which is what happens if you put only a couple of eggs in the self basket (see the last ezine). With that minimal investment of time and effort, nothing much changes. You just do the same old things, and get the same old results.

Those results include, yes, the same old discontent. As Melissa said in an email:

"I allocated only two eggs to my husband and me, and only half an egg to myself. My God! No wonder my marriage often feels empty. No wonder I often feel empty." 

It's OK for the self basket to contain the fewest eggs. But fewest shouldn't mean practically none at all. After all, the other three baskets - career, family, relationship - are all vulnerable. We retire or are made redundant. Kids grow up and leave home. Spouses die. (I myself have only three baskets these days.) Through all this flux, we always have ourselves to come home to. At least, we do if we've kept allocating enough eggs to the self basket. 

Zoologist Desmond Morris is the first male in his family for hundred of years to live past 66. So he has treated each day since his 66th birthday as a bonus, a divine gift. He makes a point of doing something every single day that he has never done before. Not something that needs much time or money. Not something big and dramatic. Just something new.

It seems to work pretty well for him. This year alone, he has had a further three books published, and has run an exhibition of his paintings in London. Not bad for a 76-year-old.

Fee