Are You Busy?

"Are you busy?"  I'm often asked this. And I never know quite how to respond.

Back in my lawyering days, it was easy. I knew the code: Busy is good. Not busy is bad. So I gave the approved answer: "Yes." With that one word, I showed that I was a SUCCESS: a productive and worthy professional, much in demand by clients. This was great for my ego, even when untrue.

But for the past decade, I have tried to live a balanced life. I no longer cherish busy-ness. So now, when someone asks me, "Are you busy?", I should answer, "No," and thrust out my chest with pride. But usually I don't. Why not?

Because old habits die hard. "No" triggers a shiver of embarrassment, not just in me but in the other person. It's as if I'm admitting to a dark and shameful secret: I'm an idle layabout. Or worse: I'm so incompetent that nobody wants me.

So sometimes I cop out. I lie and say, "Yes, I'm busy."

Which is true in a sense, because a balanced life is still a full life. I don't spend my days lounging in a sun chair sipping pina coladas, as my former colleagues suspect. It's just that some of the things I do - things that I regard as central to my life - don't fall within their definition of "busy."

I agree with English psychologist Adam Phillips (author of Going Sane):

What I would suggest is more time wasting, less stimulation. We need time to lie fallow like we did in childhood, so we can recuperate. Rather than be constantly told what we want and be pressurized to go after it, I think we would benefit greatly from spells of vaguely restless boredom in which desire can crystallize.

Sorry, it's time for me to go now. I'm busy. The kids will be home from school soon. I haven't yet squeezed in my daily quota of vaguely restless boredom.