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Of Ceiling Fans and Cat Vomit

August 25, 2004

When we were kids, we knew that the best way to learn was to explore. Then, alas, we grew up. 

For a reminder of how you used to be, read the following lessons, taught to an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas, by her young kids:

1. If a dog leash is hooked over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.

2. The motor is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft room.

3. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

4. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

5. Window glass (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

6. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000 sq ft house 4 inches deep.

7. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

8. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it is already too late.

9. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.

10. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

11. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It does, however, make cats dizzy.

12. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Once upon a time, you too were that curious, and that fearless. Become so again. (Hmm, I wonder what happens when you hang a mom from a ceiling fan...)

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